Day 76 and Thoughts on peer pressure

DAY 76. Made myself go to boot camp last night and did my 30 min of extra cardio as well. It's very gratifying to look at my heart rate monitor after a good workout and see that I burned almost 600 calories. I'm glad I invested in it, it's been a great tool. The workout was tough, Lauren and I were joking back and forth and pushing each other to challenge ourselves. I'm glad we were, because as a result, I found I was able to lift much more than I had in previous workouts. It made the workout more fun too, the banter back and forth. Peer pressure it a wonderful thing when it's used for good. I think people should be encouraging and pushing each other to challenge ourselves and lead healthy, full lives. It's funny how when you think you can't do something, but you're able to unblock whatever it is in your mind that's holding you back, you find you are actually capable of an extraordinary amount of strength.

Post-workout dinner last night was soooo good. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and got some fresh asparagus, lemon, dill, and tilapia. I made a huge green salad with raw peppers, my apple cider/ flax oil vinaigrette, oven baked garlic rosemary asparagus, and baked garlic lemon dill tilapia. Tilapia is a more delicate fish, so I'll have to play around with the cooking time more, I overdid it a bit this time, but either way, I sat myself down with my dinner and a wine glass of sparkling water with lemon to feel a little fancier and voila! Bon appetit!

Managed to get a photo this time before inhaling it all. Mmmm...

Day 75 and Thoughts on following through

DAY 75. Last night after work I had my Girl Guide meeting, we watched a movie and I painted what felt like an endless amount of nails (our recovery for weekend sleepover meeting). By the time the meeting ended at 8 pm, I was wiped and just wanted to go home. However, I told myself I was going to go to the gym and so I did. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and read my book. The time passed by fairly quickly. I felt really good that I followed through with getting myself there. When I got home, my boyfriend asked why I was late and I replied 'I said I was going to the gym so that's what I did.' He was taken aback and thought I was angry with him. I guess it came out a little bitchy. I laughed and responded that I was saying it more emphatically for my own benefit. Accountability!

This actually seems to be a problem these days, we find it so easy to back out of commitments and meetings, show up late to parties and functions. I know I can be flakey sometimes, when it's been a long day I don't always feel like going out and being social. I talk so much at work (and everywhere else for that matter) that when I get home I just want to sit and be quiet for a bit. I definitely don't want to be standing up my friends and family though. But one place I absolutely cannot be flakey anymore is with my commitments to myself and my health. If I say I'm going to the gym, I'm going. It's so easy to break promises to myself because no one else is going to be affected in that moment, but in the long term, it's going to hurt me and others in my life. One missed gym trip turns into 2, which turns into 10. I'm not going let myself flake out and fall off the wagon. There is nothing more frustrating than having to start at the beginning again and repeat all the hard work I've already done before.

On the road with appointments today, so I have my snacks and my egg salad lettuce wraps with me. Boot camp tonight and an extra 30 minutes of cardio afterwards. Anther good day, looks like that recession from the last couple weeks is over.

Day 74 and Thoughts on finding the humour in things

DAY 74. Woke up feeling good again today. Thank you to Sarah for the sore arms, back and abs today. Good sore though. Been a madly busy day at work, but I think my self-talk has been working, not nearly as stressed or upset as last week. Currently trying a new thing where I listen to complaints or deal with frustrations with a sort of curious amusement. It's a good thing I mostly deal with people over the phone, cause I think the little smirk on my face would probably just piss them off more. Hehe. Maybe that's the key to dealing with stress, look at everything as having some humour to it. Definitely makes it easier to swallow, I think.

Humour is a wonderful thing. I like to think of myself as having a decent sense of humour, although when put on the spot I can never 'be funny'. I find that I'm at my funniest when I'm hanging out with my dad, but that might be parental bias and him just continually telling me I'm funny cause I'm his daughter. Or maybe I can only be funny in a dad sort of way. Oh no. Anyhow.... digression. Humour is key, how else can someone who was almost 300 lbs at her heaviest jump around on a bosa ball, or do 'dead bug' sit-ups, or somewhat pathetically do push-ups?? I've definitely been willing to laugh at myself and look like a fool, because at the end of the day, yeah I might look silly sometimes, but I'm getting it done. I'm working hard and sweating it out and having fun doing it. I've lost over 30 lbs already and I can feel myself getting smaller and stronger.

This morning I had gotten up early enough to pack my meals for the day. Because it's a high carb day, I made an egg white and avocado salad sandwich on dark rye bread. It was surprising not to need the mayonnaise that I would normally have on an egg salad and was sooo good! I have to share this recipe (thank you to Leanne for sharing with me).

Avocado Egg White Salad (2 servings)
- 6 hardboiled egg whites
- 1/2 avocado, chopped
- 1/4 cup onion, chopped
- 1/4 cup celery, chopped
- 1/2 tsp. paprika
- 1/2 tbsp. Dijon mustard
- pinch of salt and pepper

Tomorrow I'll have the other half in lettuce wraps, for my low carb day :)

Well, back to the grind. Insane day of appointments tomorrow, will have to get up early and pack all my meals so I'm not tempted to stop for take-out!

Day 73 and Thoughts on resting and recharging

DAY 73. Rested and recharged. Lovely bubble bath after the TF+ workout last night and some reading before bed. I'm going to make sure that this week makes up for last week. Lots of challenging workouts, raw recipes, water, good sleep and bubble baths. It's funny how much power there is in suggestion. Just telling yourself how something is going to be, that's how it will become. This morning I got up and ready for my TF workout with Sarah and I told myself it was going to be an awesome day. I repeated it while I had my almond milk and protein powder shake for breakfast and repeated it again as I drove to Team Fitness.

I had a great workout. There was a bit of pain around my left elbow last night when I tried to do push-ups, so Sarah sort of worked around it and it was fine. Seems to be just a bit of a strained muscle. When she gave me a choice of cardio machines, I picked the treadmill and she laughed and said she'd make me sorry I picked it. True. I was. Thanks Sarah... But sorry in a good way, a panting and sweating and pushing myself way. It feels good to sweat it out first thing in the morning, prepares me mentally for the day ahead. I feel like no one can mess with me today. And even if they try, my mind is clear and ready. I shall whip them into a verbal frenzy! M wah ha ha!

I know I've probably said it before, but it's amazing to see these changes in myself. Sure I've had a bad last week or so, but I certainly hadn't reverted to my old ways by any stretch. The old Katharine would have taken a week like last week and used it an excuse to quit. The old Katharine basically did nothing but work, sleep, eat and watch TV. Now, while movies are still a keen interest for me (especially the old classics), I feel like they're not an all-consuming hobby anymore. I want to do other things and get out and be active and I now realize that I'm capable of it. Currently I'm working 2 jobs, 6 days per week, volunteering as a Girl Guide leader, working out 3-5 days per week and still finding time for myself, my boyfriend and friends/family. All those other things used to be the excuses why I couldn't workout or eat right, now they're my drive. I mean, I don't think that any friend or family member would rightfully want me to use them as an excuse to be unhealthy. And besides, it wouldn't be true. It was just me projecting my own excuses onto others to avoid dealing with my own issues. Whoa, way deep there, lol.

Yes, the TF+ 12 week contest will be ending soon, but I've still committed to this particular meal plan and exercise regime for 1 year. And I've committed to maintaining a healthy lifestyle forever, so while I may have bad days or even weeks, there are no excuses to quit.

I think I might walk over to the market and get a fancy raw veggie salad for lunch, treat myself a little :)

Day 72 and Thoughts on some recent struggles

DAY 72. This past week or two has really taken it out of me. I've been stressed about a major career decision and letting the stress get to me too much. There's no right answer for what I should do, so I keep flip-flopping and I think the indecision is creating more upset for myself. My job hasn't been exactly a piece of cake lately either, it has seemed like every day I've had some unpleasant interaction. My job does entail this sort of thing on a semi-regular basis, but it's not usually everyday. I also noticed that my sleeping patterns were off this week, having trouble sleeping through the night regularly and waking at weird hours, then causing me to be tired earlier in the evenings. My Girl Guides had a sleepover this weekend, which was not exactly conducive to getting extra sleep. I know it's taking a toll on my boyfriend too, as with me being so busy taking extra meetings, he's been left to deal with all the household stuff and when I'm at home, I'm just exhausted and haven't been the most wonderful company to be around.

I was disappointed with my weigh-in this week, only down 0.6 lbs. I'm not entirely surprised given what's been going on, but I'm annoyed with myself for letting this other stuff affect my weight loss. However, I'm still plugging away and each day is a new day. I think that if this had been last year, this would be about the time that I give up and stop working out and start making bad food decisions. In the past, any time that life has gotten a little bit hard, I've run right for the veggie burgers and fries, the spaghetti and the grilled cheese. It's like I was trying to make a security blanket for myself, in the form of an weight on my body. There are so many other more healthy ways to comfort myself. I'm not quitting this time. I'm not going to let what will probably just seem like a hic up later on, ruin all the good changes I've been making. I'm really glad that I've been blogging and sharing my journey with my friends and family, cause in times like this, times that get tough, I really need the encouragement. Last week I went to my dad's for dinner and he had made extra veggies for me specially, and bought some tofu for me. I don't think that my dad's fridge has seen tofu since I moved out, lol. It made me so happy to have him support me, even just in that little way.

So, in essence, I'm not going to let myself down or let any of my friends or family down. No quitting.

Goals for this week to refresh my mindset:

1. get 8 hours of sleep each night. priority this week.
2. keep getting that water in!
3. do extra cardio this week. 30 min after both Monday/Saturday sessions and extra 30-45 min on Wednesday/Thursday/Friday. also maybe go for a nice walk on Sunday morning as well.
4. cut back the coffee. too much caffeine last 2 weeks, might be causing sleep problems.
5. no wine allowance this week.
6. keep dairy intake down. eczema on wrist has been clearing up with less dairy intake.
7. do something relaxing each day, maybe 20-30 min yoga/meditation or bubble bath.

Day 67 and Thoughts on using anger for good!

DAY 67. Yet another kick ass workout with the TF+ group on Monday. Wes had us alternate 5 flights of stairs with strength training. We conquered the Empire State Building again! It did seem a lot easier than the first time I started doing sets of stairs. I remember feeling like 2 sets of stairs would literally kill me, and now here I am doing 25 flights :)

It's been a busy and stressful last few weeks at work, so the workouts have really been feeling therapeutic. Monday was hellish, it seemed like every person that called had a litany of complaints. Nothing went right. Seriously, at some point I just gave up trying to be productive and tried to work on my Broker's course assignments instead. However, there's nothing like successfully-directed anger to really charge you up for lifting weights. It's like every grunt and groan and bead of sweat is cleansing me inside. All the bullshit falls away and you just be present in that moment and focus on working as hard as you can, and feel every ounce of your own strength. It's such a good feeling. I love it. I mentioned to Leanne last week that it's getting to the point that if I don't get some sort of workout done in a day, even a 30 min walk or something, I feel a little guilty and incomplete. Gotta love those endorphins!

I wanted to take a minute to say thank you to all those friends, family members, acquaintances, and co-workers who had been so supportive along the way so far. I've received so many wonderfully surprising messages of support from friends that I haven't spoken to in awhile, and had no idea were even reading about my journey. It's so amazing to hear kind words, especially when things feel tough. I have saved each of the messages I've received and when I feel like I need a boost, I go back and look through them. Yes, you definitely need to cultivate healthier tastes to lose weight, but it's certainly not my love of lettuce that has been keeping me going. It's all of you <3

Day 64 and Thoughts on dependency

DAY 64. Tough week, with the extra restrictions because of my 1 lb loss last week. Worth it though! Lost 2.5 this week, take that last week me!

Great workout on Saturday morning with Tracy and Tristan. Wes had us alternate strength and cardio. I forgot my heart rate monitor, so every time I thought I was working hard, because I couldn't gauge my HR level, I just pushed myself harder. I was red as a tomato by the end, but I felt great. I really love working out with our little trio group. We've really bonded over the past 2 months, and I like that we all truly understand what each is going through. I love that I can talk to Tracy not only about how our week of diet/exercise went, but also about other struggles and triumphs going on in our lives. After this month I won't have any contest sessions left, but I will definitely be continuing with the TF+ group. Leanne will be working on the meal plan with me for another 10 months, but the exercise portion is a huge contributor to my effective weight loss and healthy lifestyle. I know it sounds sappy, but it's been such a special experience so far and I don't want it to ever end.

Went to the Vancouver Giants game with some friends last night. It was so different than the last time I went. Last time there were about 5 beers consumed, a large bucket of buttered popcorn and a salted pretzel. This time, just my water bottle and a small popcorn. It was still just as fun though. While the guys talked stats, my girl friend and I spent the game laughing at the players as they hit the boards (maybe that was just me laughing, weird compulsion I guess) and judging the terrible movember mustaches present on and off the ice. And, omg, when we got up at intermission and climbed the stairs, all those squats from earlier that morning came flooding back! Gah, definitely felt them!

The memories of things like parties, movies and sports events are not about the food or drinks. I don't go to see a hockey game to get drunk and overindulge in crap food, I go to be with my friends and watch the spectacle. That is something I have learned over the past couple months, to re-prioritize how I enjoy social interactions without depending on food. I didn't realize at the time how much I depended on it.

Dependency: the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else.

I think that if you asked my friends to describe me, they would say that I'm funny, sweet, kind, loud, animated, and stubborn. I don't think any of them would describe me as reliant or subordinate to anyone or anything. Looking at how much I submitted to food over the past years disappoints me. Not any more. I own me and my life, and I am the only one who controls me. If I don't take crap from anyone, why was I taking that crap from myself? It feels so good to own and be in control of myself again.