Day 52 and Thoughts on being my own lead actress

DAY 52. Kick ass workout last night. Super intense. Wes set up a rotation of weights and high-intensity cardio. That annoying little blue ball was out again last night, the one that we slam to the ground, bounces only an inch or two and we have to catch on the first bounce. I'm proud to say I wasn't totally winded after 1 minute of that, and on the second circuit I did it without dropping the ball at all! It's the little victories that count. When it came to the stairs, I managed 3.25 flights in 1 minute. At the end of the workout I was totally and completely wiped out. I went home, showered and shoveled some dinner in, then attempted to watch a movie with my boyfriend but actually just passed out. I felt a little bad, cause he always makes fun of me for falling asleep during movies, but this time I couldn't help it. It was probably the most intense workout I've had so far.

This morning I had a workout with Sarah. She timed me at the TF stair challenge, there are different numbers of flights to challenge, representing different North American buildings (i.e Empire State building). I tried the first one and did 4.5 flights in 1.36 minutes. Geez. It was tough. No matter how much more fit I feel, there is always something new to challenge me.

Some days I feel restless and impatient. Today is one of those days. I'm hungry and a bit cranky today. I feel like I'm working so hard but I'm not getting there very fast. Like those nightmares I've had in the past where there's a bad guy chasing you and suddenly your legs won't work properly and you're running in slow-motion as the bad guy catches up. There are still those days when I'm working out and I feel like I'm a total bodybuilder, but then I look in the mirrors and still see an overweight girl. There are days when it doesn't matter how many outfits I try on before work, I'm going to feel like they all look stupid. Days like that totally and completely suck. And I know it's pointless to give into feelings like that. In the past, whenever I starting feeling sorry for myself, I'd reach for the chips, buttered popcorn and/or mac and cheese, pop in a sappy favourite DVD and imagine living in their world instead. I guess I'm tired of living in an imaginary world, I want to live in my own world, I want to be the lead actress, not a supporting role or some bit part. I have to take restless, impatient days like this and kick their asses to the curb. I got up at 6:15 am today to get my butt to my workout. I worked hard. I planned my meals and didn't cheat. I need to keep reminding myself of the little achievements and be proud of those. The weight didn't come on overnight, it's not going to come off overnight either. I'll keep working hard and kicking ass. Chin up Katharine, everyone has bad days, not everyone gives into them.

Weird how therapeutic blogging is. I feel better already.